feeling frumpy

Ever catch sight of yourself in a mirror and wonder who the hell the old lady is? Yesterday i was at the flower mines, standing by my co-worker, who is always immaculate even in jeans and cowboy boots, when i saw this wrinkly attired, baggy panted, sloppy aproned, grey haired dumpling standing next to her. Horrors, it was me!!!!!! Now i don't mean i'm beyond redemption, don't know how to dress, or wear rags with stains. I *have* lost 20 lbs since we moved at the end of March, i'm wearing a good bra, and i put on a little eyeliner and mascara to go out, but..........

I stopped colouring my hair almost 3 years ago. I figured after 20 years of black, red, magenta, purple, blonde, copper-orange(that one was a chemical mistake, not a choice!) and some fuschia, that it might be an idea to let my brain stop soaking all that crap in. Everytime i hear a hair colour ad, its not "highlights and dimension" they're saying to me--it's "highlights and DEMENTIA"!!!!!! I like my grey hair, it's kinda pretty sometimes---but it makes me look older than i am, especially if it's not pinned up.

So on my way home, i indulged in some "Spicy Shimmer" semi-permanent colouring for the old locks, a new lipstick and a coloured eyeliner. Woot! I'm throwing out the baggy pants, tucking away the tshirts for home use only, and standing up a little straighter. Inside i'm beautiful, artistic, creative and unique, but you'd never know it looking at me yesterday.......

Appearance DOES count, and people DO judge a book by its cover. Would you have thought much of me if it had been the first time you'd met me? Would you have thought i really was a creative person or just a poseur after all? Would any serious gallery owner or art buyer have been interested in what i had to say or show? We make contact all the time with people who could connect us to a larger world-----in keeping with the book analogy, what do people reading *my* title page say in response to flipping open *this* overly dramatic novel?

Um yeah. Sure. You're an artist? Oh, isn't that interesting. I think i'll just wander away now. 

Comments

[Jackie (Wooff!)]

Thats exactly how I feel.At least you've got the fancy pants to wear!They wouldn't go near my 'place where there used to be a waist'.
I think little dumpy women like me are dismissed even more easily.Thats why blogs and flickr are so good. It makes you feel valued when someone likes your work.(Thanks!)

[Jackie (Wooff!)]

BTW Salt on slugs? In my garden they just seem to shrug it off.

[Mary Anne]

A mirror? I avoid those things like the plague!! I, too, am grey and really can't be bothered doing anything about it...tried dyeing it for awhile, but it grows incredibly fast and I had 'roots' in less than two weeks. Too much $ and angst for the result. Extra poundage...yeah got that too. However I'm happy with the inside me and so what about what other people think. I figure 'love me, love my looks' (or at the very least, tolerate them!!).

[Irene R]

Thanks.... we all have to give ourselves a shake every now and again and remind ourselves to stand up straight!....You've reminded me to get back to my "modified" push ups. Thanks again.

[quiltpixie]

Interesting response and reasoning to your image... I go the other extreame, and actually figure I'm fine with the "lying" of the book cover -- only those who take the time to get to know me are people I want to know - I also get a perverse pleasure out of surprising people with who I am compared to their image of me.... On the other hand I'm not trying to "sell myself" in any forum, and would likely need to address the discrepencies if I were.

[kay susan]

S**t Arlee, that wasn't you in the mirror, it was ME!
I know just how you feel. Is it empathy or synergy - this morning, the first thing I did after I saw the boss off to work with his freshly made bacon baguettes in his lunchbox (yes, I'm a hero), was use Excellence by L'Oreal, light ash blonde, for the first time in over a year. Because I'm worth it??????? What the h**l's wrong with grey, but the boss, it seems, prefers suicide blonde (dyed it myself!). Of course, it doesn't take away the wrinkles or the fat - and frankly I'm too fond of good food and wine to do a great deal about that, although I have an appointment with the doc to review my blood pressure medication tomorrow, so he may have a different viewpoint.
Seriously, I did have a bit of a wake-up call this month, because the boss turned 60 and I'm just 18 months behind. I suddenly thought I have these four beautiful grandchildren and I really don't want to go any time soon, so this time, I will listen to the doc!!!!!

[Midge]

I decided just before Nat's wedding that it was time to give up the pretence of having darker foils in my hair, as the regrowth was - frankly - white. So I told the old hairdresser chick to give me a very "ash blonde" look (that's what I tell myself anyway) and morethan 6 weeks later - what regrowth??? Sad ain;t it.

[magikquilter]

I get an awful shock but more with photos...cannot believe that is how the world sees me...I am far more interesting and sassy than that!!!

Funny cause my son knows when he is taking a photo when it is going to be a good shot...he says he sees the light go from my eyes and says he has to be quick to catch the real me....the me he knows.

My husband however takes the most appalling photos of me...what does that mean...we have been married for 25 years this year?

I am short and half grey and dumpy too and so agree with Jackie above about that. I would love all grey hair in a long bob so that it could also go up elegantly but the bloody stuff just won't go grey and fabulous all over!!I have lost 17 kilos and think that is the big thing..excess weight is really aging...but then so is pain and insomnia and life and those are the things that make us interesting...especially us creative types.

Love the highlights and dementia bit!!!!